We are all guessing that we understand what is being said most of the time, but unfortunately most communication between human beings is MISCOMMUNICATION. There are various possible reasons for this, but sometimes this is because the listener also often turns whatever is said into something else.

For example, if someone says: ‘I really don’t like Brussel sprouts’, someone could respond saying: ‘Oh I know, their texture is horrible, isn’t it!’ However, the reason why this person might not like Brussel sprouts could have nothing to do with the texture but everything with the taste of sprouts.

Another example could be: ‘I want to lose 20 pounds of belly fat.’ ‘Okay, so you want to get fit?’ ‘Well, no. Actually I just want to fit in those trousers again.’

These simple examples show how something that is maybe not very important can be mis-heard, at which point the communication goes off the rails.

The principle of ‘turning what is said into something else’ is often present in conversations. In a light conversation this might not have a negative effect, or even be the source of a good laugh. However, if the subject of the conversation is more serious, important or fragile than something like Brussel sprouts or losing belly fat, then miscommunication can also have more serious consequences.

I can only assume that you yourself want to be heard and understood by other people, and that it feels great when someone is really listening to you. So, in return, make a really good effort to do the same with other people, and hear the words they are saying without thinking that you know what meaning these words have for that person. You most likely attach your own meaning to someone else’s words and turn it into something that it’s not.

Remember: whatever someone says might actually be very important to them even if it is not important to you. The words people use are important to them and have a meaning that we don’t know about. To go back to my Brussel sprouts example: What if that person doesn’t like Brussel sprouts because he or she was forced to eat them every Christmas, but this ‘little thing’ was actually part of a much bigger and traumatic abuse situation? How would we know? We haven’t walked in their shoes, and until we have there is no room for interpretation of their words.

So please listen. Listen carefully. Take your time. Ask for clarification if you are not sure.

To finish with Stephen R. Covey’s words: ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’
You might be the first person in someone’s life who would hold that space for them.

(Photo by Ellie Burgin from Pexels)