These days we spend a lot less time with people in person, and most likely more online. This is a different way of connecting and communicating, and again I have noticed that eye contact is important as part of people’s facial expressions. Maybe this is because there is less of an ‘escape’ and there are less distractions – when you are together in person there are always other things to look at.

At the same time, if you are living with people under the same roof, you are likely to have spend more time with them during the pandemic lockdown, and I know that in some households this has resulted in people not getting on as much whereas in other situations people have grown to be closer than ever before.

Eye contact

Eye contact is considered quite an important aspect of non-verbal communication, and an important aspect of social behaviour. However, not everyone naturally makes eye contact, and it is important to keep in mind that this might be difficult for some people; this does not necessarily mean that this person doesn’t want to communicate with you. For people who find making eye contact difficult, being on an online video chat might be quite a challenge.

Making eye contact can be a skill to develop, and it could make a difference to the way you communicate. Making eye contact can convey concern for others, empathy or emphasise a feeling.

Like words, eye contact are a two-way communication if used appropriately – staring at someone could be quite uncomfortable for your conversation partner, maybe even intimidating and not constructive to the situation, but if two people really look at each other with love it can actually give a really safe feeling.

Keeping my eyes in check

Personally, I have no issue with making eye contact and I have to remind myself that not everyone is like me in that respect. Like my words, my eye contact can also be very direct. So I need to make sure that I keep myself in check, and that my eyes show empathy, interest and engagement. Which means I need time to make sure that I am aware of the type of eye contact I am making. What are my eyes saying? Is it appropriate for the situation? Does the language of my eyes match the words I am saying?

As we are not the only person in a conversation, eye contact from your conversation partner is equally important – as the receiver of eye contact you need to be very aware of your interpretations of what you are seeing.

What are your eyes saying?

The key point that I am making here is that you have to step back sometimes and ask yourself what you are doing, not just with your words but also with your eye contact and your facial expressions. If you catch yourself having eyes like daggers, it would be good to step back, take a deep breath and connect with a different emotion. If this is not possible then ask yourself how much your dagger eyes are contributing to a positive outcome of the conversation.

If you struggle with eye contact, don’t worry. Some things come easier to some people and might always be a challenge to others, and that’s okay. It is mainly about being aware of what works for you and what doesn’t, and if you know eye contact is something you struggle with, maybe you can even let the other person know in words that this is indeed the case for you. It might prevent misinterpretations of what you do or don’t do, or of what you mean with your words. And if you’re not sure: check with the other person - that can also help clarify the situation.
And if in doubt…. find that smile in your eyes and beam it across! It can work like magic….