Fear – can you get rid of it completely?
There are many different ways people experience fear in different situations, and I’m no exception. I didn’t so much grow up with fear in the sense of having to be afraid for my life because of some sort of threat, but I did develop a level of fear that has been part of my existence in what I consider quite a sneaky way.
My fear was very much around the idea that ‘I am not good enough’. Somehow, without my parents and family meaning to instil this idea in me, that’s what happened... I started putting the bar very high on my own performance and became quite the perfectionist – I wrote about this is last week’s blog as well.
This perfectionism resulted in a fear of getting it wrong, a fear of not being good enough (imposter syndrome), a fear of not being validated, and a fear of not belonging. These are quite fundamental fears and if not dealt with they can have quite detrimental effects on someone’s life.
Hidden fear
There was definitely a point in my life when I started becoming painfully aware of the impact this ‘hidden’ fear had on my personal as well as my professional life. I also realised that this fear wasn’t just ‘something to shake off’... and I am so glad that I managed to find the courage in myself to deal with the fear, as well as finding the right people to help me understand what was happening and start a process of healing and letting go.
Does that mean that I don’t experience fear anymore? No, not at all.
What happens in the body…
The fear response is build into our physiology as it helps us stay safe - it increases our chances of survival which, on a very primal level – is what we are programmed to try and achieve. From birth (and maybe even from before that moment) we experience moments when the oldest part of our brain, the reptilian brain (also called amygdala), responds in a way that gets us ready to fight or flight, or freeze. These responses are the result of a chemical cocktail of hormones being produced in the body, and this happens at the speed of light.
We might not be chased by lions anymore, or at least most of my readers are unlikely to ever experience that, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t end up in situations that we experience as extremely stressful. It could be an angry boss, an argument at home, children who just never seem to listen, a problem like a lack of finances or resources.
Literally any situation that we experience as deeply stressful or disturbing is likely to immediately activate the amygdala to release our stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. What we most often don’t manage to do though is to completely bring these levels back down to neutral, and as a result we are left with residual stress hormones that accumulate over time. The negative effects of this on our physical, mental and emotional health are well researched and documented.
How to deal with moments of fear and stress
I’m not free of experiencing moments that I consider very stressful. But I’ve found ways of better recognising what stresses me out, as well as dealing with bringing the stress levels down afterwards. Setting myself up for the day in a mindful way is effective: a ‘me-time’ morning routine and going through the day in the most conscious state of mind and body. I’ve learned to recognise signs of stress so I can be a step ahead of them, and when stress levels have gone up I take as much time as possible to recover – to find my ‘neutral’ again.
More on fear, trauma and stress in my free online retreat
In my free online retreat next week, called ‘H.U.M.A.N. Work in Progress’, I explain more about fear, trauma and stress. The last retreat was a great success, and this is some of the feedback I got:
“I had the privilege of attending Renny's Human Work In Progress Retreat where she went through different topics of growth work. I've enjoyed the event and learnt a lot from Renny. She has unique insights and was very good at answering questions and sharing her views. Thanks Renny, you're an inspiration!” (– Sze Mun Tan)
“Really enjoyed the events that Renny facilitated. Thought provoking and helps one reflect on one’s life and how to improve it.” (– David O’Donnell)
I’d love it if you’d join the retreat next week – here is the link in case you’d like to know more and/or sign up:
www.humanworkinprogress.com/retreat
With big love,
Renny